A family member of mine got diagnosed with cancer, and they have decided
not to get any treatment. The doctors said it's in a very early stage, and it
could take up to five years for them to actually die.
I understand wanting to die. I'm very familiar with it, actually. But this
seems like such a horrible way to go. Cancer kills very slowly, especially
in the beginning. First one cell decides to go wrong. Then it reproduces
and eventually it starts taking you over. Tumors start growing inside of you
and sometimes on the outside, too. I looked at pictures of it today.
The tumors were all dark purple and huge, growing out of people's chests and
throat and everywhere. The pictures were hard to look at, especially because
I started to imagine that happening to my relative. I don't want them to
wither away like that. But I don't think they fully grasp the situation, really.
Today, they had another doctors appointment. Apparently, according to
another person who was there, they only realized today that dying of cancer
hurts. That you gradually get weaker and weaker until the only thing you
can do is lay in bed and cry out in pain. And then the cancer spreads to
some organ you can't do without, and you die.
I think what they want is to be a martyr. Well, something martyr-adjacent,
anyways. They want to lay in a hospital bed, all tiny and pale, until their
face turns to porcelain and everyone at the funeral cries very hard. But
the reality of cancer is very different. Cancer isn't pretty, as much as
it tries to lure you in with sad hospital scenes and images of bald heads.
They want people to look at their corpse and think of how nice it was of
them to go on and die. Because the world is overpopulated anyways, or
something. But nobody is gonna want to look at the corpse at all, because
it'll look just like the pictures I looked at today.
I guess they should've just lied and said they weren't sick. If that's what
they truly want, that is. Apparently their mother told them to 'just go die
already, if that's what [they] want so badly' which seems a bit rude. But
hey, what do I know.