looking back on it, maybe I should've just let him hurt me. maybe I wouldn't be alone now. he said he wanted to 'fix' me, like, some kind of corrective rape thing. ...I'm afraid at the mere idea and moreso that my brain is seriously starting to consider that as 'better' over my current loneliness. jesus christ, man. you're pathetic.

holiday haunted by a moment wherein I saw my reflection. gigantic. non-human. I want to be the kind of person who can post a selfie without being doxxed by 4chan for being a landwhale or whatever they do over there.

a way to tell someone 'you left me when I was at my lowest' without upsetting them.

it felt cruel to say 'She's basically dead to me already' but it is the truth. Self-preservation made me leave her behind a pretty long time ago. She keeps acting like she's the victim in this situation. If there's a victim at all, it's us, not her. But she seems so sad. She cried when we said goodbye that day. It wasn't even our last meeting.