We spent all evening in each other's company,
silently listening to each other as we both
went about our own business. Occasionally we'd
share something funny with each other, and I'd
hear you stifle your laughter, followed by a
flurry of keyboard keys being pressed as you
wrote out your reply.
Today, I feel empty inside. I overindulged in
familiarity, in comfort, in human interaction,
and now I am paying the price. I'm having
withdrawal symptoms. I want to be together in
a room again. I want to feel like someone is
sitting right beside me. I'm lonely, god, I'm
lonely.
I read something a while back that really made
an impact on me. It was about BDSM practices,
about how if you've just been in such a mind-
set, you need a while to come down. If you've
just spent hours being degraded, for example,
you need time to slowly get out of it before
you can comfortably face the world again.
Maybe it's weird that I compare the world to
this practice instead of the other way around,
but hey, if it works, it works, right? Anyhow,
I think social interaction is similar. If you
talk with someone all day, and then don't speak
to anyone at all the next day, You'll feel
lonely, moreso than you'd ever feel if you'd
never had the interaction in the first place.
It's like that poem they endlessly analyze,
(break me in easy, Royston Ellis), but edited
a bit to be less about gay sex and more about
how soul-crushing it is to be left alone.
easy, easy,
let me down easy
sure I seem happy now,
but once you leave without a cool-down
I'll be lying on the floor again
gagging for some comfort
Though that could, of course, just be about
gay sex as well.