15-10-2023
I hate that I know exactly how annoying I am but I still can't change my behaviour. I get
so, so intensely self-conscious and want to ask for reassurance but my stupid, idiotic past
self has already asked for it too many times. I can't ask my friends to help me anymore, I'm
already walking a tightrope as-is. If I make one wrong move they will no longer like me. Or
worse, they'll still put up with me, because they, unlike me, are actual proper, good people.
Whatever they do, it'll be far better than I deserve. I just want them to tell me they like me
like they used to. I just want compliments, just like back when they didn't know how much I
sucked yet.
I want to leave. I want to go. But it's attention seeking. Everything I do is attention
seeking. It's all I know how to do. It's all I'm good at. And even then I'm obviously not that
good at it, because if I was it would work.
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