09-11-2023
My relative wants to commit suicide.
We've known this about her for a while-- just about as long as we've known her, I think.
That's why she was so happy about the whole cancer... thing. While we mourned her. It's okay,
we've forgiven her. We didn't really have a choice, and it was her decision, in the end.
anyhow, she has a new date. Next year, on her birthday. Stopping eating and just decaying
and dying. Just like that. Plain and simple. Morphine, to help with the pain from starvation,
she is taking from my other relative's perscription, because they're dying, too, only not
by choice. I don't know why I was surprised. This was always going to happen.
Today, numbness. An encounter on the street, we were on our way to her house to watch TV
and eat pastries she bought. I lagged behind. So I wasn't there for the start of it. But
she saw an elderly woman, sitting on the seat of her walker, panting and wheezing and dry-
heaving. Heart attack. Obvious. My relative knew it, the woman knew it. The woman did not
want medical help. The woman wanted help to be carried inside of her house so she could
die in peace. My relative did it without asking questions. Afterwards, she seemed unfazed.
we went inside and watched TV and ate pastries like we discussed. I wasn't upset. She wasn't
upset. She helped an old woman die and none of us felt anything. It's just getting to be normal
by now. When I felt sad, earlier today, I didn't feel sad because of the woman, or because
everyone I love is dying, or because I'm going to have to watch a woman starve to death.
it was just general sadness. About general things. Nothing specific, I guess.
← →