I'm...not doing well. I've been stuck in a loop of rather graphically
planning my suicide while listening to noise music, mixed in with having
wonderful conversations with friends that I adore. Silently crying on
my bedroom floor mixed in with hours spent at the computer writing up
stories I'm genuinely proud of. It's weird. It feels like my life is
hanging onto a thread, that is, in turn, being held by the anime girl
sampled by the noise track I'm currently listening to. She's screaming.
I looked up the lyrics this afternoon. Apparently she's singing (it's
sampled from an anime outro) about how she's sick of everyone she knows
always lying to her.
I'm still hopelessly in love with someone who will never want to be
near me, so I have that going for me. other than that, it's all the same.
looking at the world as a big art project. I wish I could paint someone
and they would come alive. I'd paint myself a friend who would never
leave my side.
hey, that's quite good. Maybe I should write that down.