Well, in my defense, I never claimed I would be updating this website regularly.
anyways, yes, I'm... tentatively back. I went through a long period where I could not
bring myself to write anything, much less things that had any depth to them at all.
but this morning I sat outside in the freezing cold and wrote some of what has to be
the world's worst fanfiction ever, and now I think my writer's block is over? I'm not
sure what happened either. I also started taking a larger dose of antidepressants, so
maybe it's because of that and my terrible fanfiction has nothing to do with it. Still,
I think it adds a bit of flair to it all, which is why I decided to mention it in the
first place.
So. You know that thing that happens to me where all my family members keep dying? Yes, it
is happening again. Or, well, hopefully not, of course, but I must say I haven't really
been lucky on this front so far, so I don't expect it to suddenly be perfect. Anyhow, this
time it's an elderly relative. They are rather old, and they are going blind and deaf, as
well as having lung disease... but we aren't ready to lose them yet. They're... the glue
that is keeping our family together. They aren't super ill currently or anything, but
they predict they might not live until their next birthday, which is in June.
It's been weird at their house ever since. They're emptying out their house, throwing
everything out as if they're already dead. It's quite morbid, at least from my point of
view. Since losing their house would pretty much mean me losing my house as well, I've
discussed possible housing with my therapist. He recommends trying to get on welfare.
I have no idea how any of that works. It's... gonna be a rough couple of months for sure.
I wish I was more mentally stable, or, well, able, I guess. If I could just get a normal
job I would be able to rent a normal house and be normal. But because of all this stuff
it has to be needlessly complicated.