Removed. I no longer want to think about this one.


okay, no. I really should write something here,
otherwise it's a waste of a perfectly fine diary
page. So, I'm just going to talk about my ideals
here, or whatever.

there are some things that I would never want
to be. And that isn't because I necessarily
think that they're morally unjust, but because
I simply wouldn't want to be that way. One of
those things is pretentious. I do not like when
people give endless importance to their own
creations, though in a way I do understand it.
When an artist creates something, specifically
an emotional work, it might become of
importance to them. But it annoys me when they
act like it should be important to everyone,
rather than just to them. I have a friend who
is a published author, for example, so I bought
his book to support him. But his book is so
incredibly self-serving and pretentious (it's
a non-fiction about himself... yes, really) that I
haven't been able to finish it even though I
have owned a copy for months now. I feel
kind of guilty, but I just can't finish it.
self-love is good, but this is not self-love, this
is hatred of everyone else. And that's where I
draw the line.

I know a lot of people say "Be Nice To Others"
as some kind of vague commandment meaning
that you have to give your life for others so
they can enjoy themselves while you do their
work for them. But I think there's a balance
that can be managed. Help people out for no
reason, give people random gifts, but say no to
helping them move if your back hurts. Don't
let them borrow your money, and don't give
them your perscription medicine. You are a
person and you deserve to keep your own stuff
and your own self-respect. But don't become
cruel. Be your own best friend without being
everyone else's worst enemy. Something like that.

Another thing I don't necessarily get are
people who are really into true crime. But
I don't think that hobby really hurts anyone
either unless you like, harass survivors or
whatever, so as long as people don't do that
I really don't care what they get up to.
Especially people who are coping with their
trauma by reading and writing about stuff
like it. I have nothing but respect for that.
just be careful, okay? With your mental health,
I mean. It'd suck if you accidentally re-
traumatized yourself, or something. But I
assume you guys know what you are doing,
so I'll stop acting like a parent now.

I think that maybe, ultimately I just want
people to be happy and nice to others. And
maybe I do secretly think that that friend
I mentioned is actually miserable. I don't
think you can write a 300 page book about
how great you are without secretly hating
yourself. You don't see yourself as that
flawless unless you are so intimately aware
of your own flaws that you know exactly how
to cover them up so you don't see them
yourself anymore.